I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
