if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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