Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
