she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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