so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
