I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize