she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
