Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
