Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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