mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
