My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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