Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
