walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
