yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
this boner is exhausting
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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