i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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