He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
God I need to hump something, right now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
