i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
