Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
