What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
