I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
