i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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