What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize