i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize