Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
