You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
