Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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