I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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