I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
