Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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