i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
