dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
