From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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