so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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