can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
