dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
