can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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