so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
