you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize