At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
