so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We need to rekindle our bromance
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
