also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize