This is not my ceiling
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
