I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
