new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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