I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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