Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
