i love accidental penises.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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