Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
