I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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