i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
