Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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