they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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