I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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