fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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