You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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