Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
