halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
