i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
