My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
