After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We had sex on a dog bed..
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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