Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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