Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
