on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
