Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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