I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
