Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
