Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
