My Higher Power is John Stamos
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
