Ambien. No doubt about it.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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