I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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