youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
