I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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