I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
