My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
