we have officially lost it.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
