So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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