Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
