Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
