somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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