...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
