so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Did I show you my penis last night?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize