I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
