you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
