Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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