My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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