if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
