She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
