HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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